Adulthood

Hi bloggland - it's been so long.  I was gone for a legitimate reason, but once you get out of the habit of blogging, it's hard to get back into it again.  It's like exercising.  Once you are out of the habit, it takes just that much longer to get your lazy butt to the gym!  Anyway, I was away getting married and going on a honeymoon and I have a blog about that on it's way.  I promise it's a good one!  Today though, I want to blog about adulthood and how much I feel I suck at it.  I mean, who in their right minds though *I* would be a good candidate for adulthood?  You know that phrase, "I smile because I don't know what's going on?"  I feel like that all the time.  I have no idea what I'm doing most of the time.  I act like I do but really,  I'm just faking it.  Does anyone else feel that way?

For example:  Isn't an adult supposed to be responsible?  I know that the dishes should be done in a timely manner.  If they aren't they will start taking over the stove, because there is no counter space in our kitchen and we won't be able to make dinner.  Oh, and doesn't there need to be food in the fridge to make dinner with?  What did I choose to do instead of grocery shop this weekend?  Oh yeah, nap, watch HGTV and rip the quilting out of my first quilt because I didn't like how it turned out and want to quilt it over again.  I am sitting here at 9:13 at night and I have yet to get dressed for the day.  What's even worse...I didn't get dressed all weekend!  In my head, I didn't get dressed because there wasn't anything I wanted to wear that was clean.  But did I do laundry like a responsible adult?  Nope, I sat around in my sweats ALL weekend and tomorrow I will have to be creative with my work clothes because nothing is clean.  I feel like a wasted an entire weekend when I could have done so much more - but I didn't WANT to do anything more to be honest!

And then there's having to work.  Don't get me started about work!  The whole working part of being an adult sucks.  And I whine about it all the time!  (Should an adult even whine?)  I mean having to work is a BIG waste of time in my mind.  If I didn't have to work then I could have time to do other things...like the things I didn't do this weekend.  Or more fun things like quilt, read books, sleep and blog.  Maybe I would even feel like going to the gym if I didn't have to work.  And the job itself!  I really have no idea what I'm doing there.  I put things in files in the order somebody tells me to.  But why?  Nobody knows.  And I'm getting paid for this?  Well, I'm not really getting paid enough if you ask me.  I often times look out the window at the sky and ask myself, "What the hell am I doing here?  I'd rather be off playing!"  Playing?  Should an adult even think in those terms?  And ugh!  Getting up early to *work* (of all things!) is SOO overrated!  I LIKE to stay up late and sleep in!  I do my best thinking at night.  I get the best ideas and execute the coolest projects in the middle of the night.  By waking up early and going to bed early, I feel like I'm missing out on the times I feel my best.  But adults don't stay up all the time because we have to work from 8am-5pm and be responsible or something.

I just don't *feel* like I'm doing a good job at this whole adulthood thing.  I mean sometimes I feel I'm doing alright.  The house is clean, the bills are paid, I'm going to the gym at least twice a week and making it to work on time every day and all is good.  But then things start piling up and all of a sudden I realize I'm not as good at this adult thing as I thought...