Frustration

Source

I am frustrated. 

I have been waiting for a time to blog until I was not frustrated, but I realized that I want this blog to be real. And the reality is that I am frustrated. 

I don't think I've been frustrated for this long in a while. 

Frustration is starting to inhibit my dreams.

This morning between snoozes I had a dream that I yelled at a guy who was speaking too loudly outside my bedroom window before 8am.

I'm starting to shift through and pinpoint the reasons why I'm frustrated, but it's hard when the frustration emotion is so strong and so..there.

I'm just frustrated.

On The Cheesy Side

Mmmmmmm.....cheese....

Recently I found that I am allergic to dairy.

A few things have happened since I've stopped eating dairy, including the soreness and burning in my legs going away, all my bathroom issues disappearing (I won't go into detail here...you're welcome!), better sleep, waking up in happy moods and losing 45 pounds.

Like how I just slipped that in there? I'm serious - since I've stopped eating dairy, I've been loosing weight without trying. My body feels like it's resetting or something. No big deal. :P

However, lately - just like the past few days - I have been missing dairy. Like with a fiery passion!!!

For example, I saw a kid eating a bagel with cream cheese the other day and I just wanted to rip it out of her hands, lick all the cream cheese off, then hand it back like nothing happened. What the hell is going on with me?!! That is the kind of passion and desire that I usually only reserve for chocolate and cookies, not for dairy!

OMG NACHOS!

Chips seem empty and lonely these days. I actually miss the plastic-like blob of cheese that happens when you make nachos in the microwave at home. Try going into a restaurant and ordering nachos without the cheese. I can just hear it now, "You mean...you want nachos - without the cheese? Like chips..and stuff?" *sigh* That just sounds so sad, but yes. This is my life now. Have you ever ordered pizza without cheese? The looks I get are as if I just asked to have somebody killed when I order pizza without cheese. I mean, I understand these looks - I'd give them out too if I worked for a pizza place. What is pizza without cheese?

How will the toppings stay on the crust?

THEY DON'T.

Trust me.

Don't even get me started about trying to find something to eat at a Mexican food place!

Also, dairy is in EVERYTHING. And, it goes by many different names. I have to look even more carefully at labels. Now I'm the annoying one in the grocery store blocking the isles for too long reading every little ingredient on labels. I've gotten to the point that if the food has more than, like, eight ingredients, I don't buy it. I just don't, I'm too lazy!

I know there are a lot of alternatives for me out there, and I should be happy. I can eat vegan brownies, cupcakes, and drink almond milk and coconut milk - which I actually prefer over cow's milk anyway. There are even alternative dairy products like yogurt and ice cream, all of which I am happy about and use! However, where is the alternative carrot cake with cream cheese frosting?!

Am I ever going to get to taste my FAVORITE cake again?!

Renaissance Fair

The hubs and I went to the Renaissance Fair today. It was hot! I came prepared, with my Polish skin, plenty of sunscreen and a parasol! :P I'm happy to say that I did NOT get burned this year! Go me!

I wish I had thought the parasol through though, because on the way out I got charged an "umbrella tax" and I had to kiss a guy dressed as Zorro on the cheek to leave. He wasn't bad looking, but not as cute as my Zorro. And he was kind of sweaty. I used to work Ren Fairs as a member of the Peasant Guild, so I should have remembered about the shenanigans.

I got myself a beeswax candle and a "Hello Sweetie" pin that I shall wear FOREVER AND ALWAYS!

We also got henna tattoos.

We let the artist choose the designs and paid a flat fee. She put glitter on mine! :)

There were A LOT of people.

The Irish dancers told bad jokes between dances and often asked for audience participation.

There were vendors, food, games and actors. 

(At the time of this photo, everyone was watching the joust - there were people, I swear!)

There was hay. LOTS of hay.

Here was the queen watching the last joust of the day. I bet she was hot in all that heavy, and beautiful, garb!

The fair was held in a new place this year. There was actually a nice breeze and natural shade. Everyone seemed pleased - and not melting!

 

We had a lot of fun! The hubs wore his Doctor Who shirt and got lots of funny, random comments from random people. One girl got really close to us, whispered, "DON'T BLINK!" and then faded back into the crowd. LOL

Now that we are home, I'm going to go close my eyes for a bit..or maybe watch something on Netflix while the hubs works on homework. Hope you all had a great weekend! :)

(That picture was just for you Mom! Go ahead, gag away! :P)

Marriage

So, I was meandering about the internet last night when I heard this sound. It came from my bedroom where my husband was sleeping. He was snoring, but that wasn't the sound I heard. What I also heard was:

My husband farting.

In his sleep.

And it wasn't a small little quilt ruffle, it echoed!

This got me to thinking about all the things I didn't know about being married, specifically the living together aspect of the relationship. I mean, I've lived with my family and with roommates, but living with my husband is SO different! So, here is a list (I LOVE lists!) of the things that I wish I somebody had told me about before I got married. (Not that it would have changed things, but it would have been super nice to know!!)

1. "My" and "Your" stuff, space, time and life CEASE to exist! Everything becomes "our," "we," and "us." I find myself writing in the proverbial "we" all the time in regards to making plans - but it's not proverbial anymore. I really mean that I have to check "our" calendar to make sure "we" don't have plans so I can schedule an outing with a friend. I no longer sleep in my own room and every space is now shared space. I never really understood my mom's desperate need for her own room until I didn't have one of my own anymore. The stuff I brought into the relationship is no longer being used by just me. Somebody else is sleeping in my bed, sitting on my couch, using my dishes and freaking SQUISHING MY PILLOWS!

*ahem* Moving on.

2. Boys are really gross. *REALLY* gross. I should know this, I grew up with a boy. My brother's teen years were spent in a room that was dark and smelled weird. His socks were found in interesting places and sometimes I had to forage a path just to get through to my room. But he is my brother. Living with a different boy that I didn't grow up with is weird and gross in an entirely different way. Thankfully my husband doesn't come with the bathroom grossness that some boys come with, and he's pretty tidy when it comes to piles of mail. But the other day, I walked passed the bathroom and he was holding my cuticle scissors up near a pimple. I caught is eye in the mirror, cringed a lot little inside, said, "I DO hope you wash that when you are done. WITH. SOAP." and walked away. He also leaves used tissues everywhere, has potato sized earwax, clips his nails everywhere but over a trash can, puts on clothes that were previously on the floor, uses dirty silverware, doesn't seem to have a problem with dirty dishes piling up for weeks and, if I wasn't there to remind him that it's been a while, he would probably never change the sheets! Oh and the farting thing, he has been known to scare my cats with his farts! And it they just don't stop, even in his sleep!

3. Both of us are from completely different worlds. We may only be two and a half years apart in age and we grew up in the 80's and 90's. However, his 80's and 90's were completely different from mine. He didn't do the same things, listen to the same music or even wear the same type of clothing. He loved high school, I hated it with the furry of a thousand fiery suns!! Okay, a bit dramatic there. Anyway, the only things we bond over from our childhoods are television shows. We are constantly having conversations about our childhoods where we have to stop and explain something to each other that we thought the other one experienced. That book, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, it is so true!

3. Privacy all but disappears. Remember #1 about "your" space being now "our" space? Yeah. That includes places that were very private before, like bathrooms. The husband tried in the beginning to use the bathroom with the door open, I put a stop to that. That door stays CLOSED. No exceptions. No excuses. Except...that it happens. One day, while using the bathroom you will forget that the new package of toilet paper is still in the place where you left it, behind the couch, and not in the bathroom where you ABSOLUTELY need it. And you will have to call for your husband to bring it to you. When that happens, he will see you (DUN DUN DUUUUUUN) on the toilet. And with that, your last private space has been officially invaded.

4. They will see you do your secret single behaviors. Remember in Sex and the City where Carrie talks about eating crackers with jelly over the sink and Charlotte talks about spending hours with the lighted magnifying mirror inspecting her pores? Those were their "secret single behaviors." Things that they would never do in front of another person, ESPECIALLY somebody they are in a relationship with. When you are married, you have a choice, you either can stop these behaviors, or just allow them to be discovered. That other person is going to see your secret single behaviors. There is really no way around this. There is NO more private space, remember?

...Oh, what is *my* secret single behavior? If I told you that, it wouldn't be a secret anymore!

5. Other people are weird. I know what you are saying, I'm just now figuring this out?! I have known this for a while now, but living with somebody really brings things into perspective. My husband does some weird stuff! His idea of doing the dishes is to stack the dirty dishes in neat piles on the counter, right in front of the microwave. He gets frustrated when the mail pile is not straight, neat and tidy but will ignore a messy bathroom for like ever. He doesn't see the problem with putting on clothes that were just recently on the floor, "What? I only wore them one day! I think..." He can't remember the type of cat food we buy and often brought the wrong kind home - until I sent him pictures of the food. Oh, and when he takes something apart that is being held together by hardware, he puts the hardware "somewhere safe." However, when it's time to put the thing back together, the hardware is lost. I can't tell you how many times this has happened! Eventually I got rid of anything that could be taken apart. No more flimsy shelving units for this family. Oh, and things don't get put away in logical places. Wires for things get put in the first empty space he can find. "Honey, where's the charger for the Kindle?" "Oh, it's in the closet in the living room." "How about the charger for your blue tooth thing?" "Oh, that's in the cabinet in the hallway." What? Seriously?! Why can't all chords just go in one container or space?!

And lastly:

6. When he is gone, I miss him. Like, a lot. Nobody told me that another person would be able to weasel his way into my life and my heart like this. When he's gone, for like more then just work or school, I feel like a puppy who's favorite person has just left the room. It physically hurts. Like I misplaced something very important and I can't find it. I spent 27 years of my life (mostly) single and happy- then he came along and ruined everything!

*sniff*

Stupid love.

A Confession

I have a confession to make.

In front of all of my readers, I'd like to confess, that in my heart of hearts, my soul of souls, that I am...

A dirty hippie.

Well, maybe not so much the dirty part, but the hippie part for sure.

I see your, "Huh?" faces now!

Let me explain. I don't mean the stereotypical, pot smoking, musk smelling, no underwear wearing, dread rocking, free love giving hippie - I mean the nature lover, up-cycling, living off and giving back to the land as much as possible hippie. In my heart of hearts, I want a natural life with the smallest foot print possible. I feel now I'm too wasteful, with too much clutter and it's cluttering my mind!

But I also want internet and P is a TV freak...so we need to have technology! Maybe we can coin the term Techno-Hippie? :P Ahem, anyway..

I have a dream and in that dream, P and I live in a decently sized house, with a small garden out back, a compost pile, my cats, and simple decorations that are up-cycled/recycled/redone. I want to make my own soaps, shampoos, deodorants, lotions, chapsticks, and candles - and maybe have a side business doing this as well. I would love to figure out how to live as inexpensively as possible but still be able to comfortably pay all the bills that come with having a house.

I have ideas on how to do this (check out my "The Crunchy-Granola Life" pinboard on Pinterest by following the link at the top of my blog), but we need to make some BIG changes first. I plan to do some cleaning out, tossing, selling and giving away starting this week and I hope to document this endeavor here! Stay tuned!

LET THE DE-CLUTTERING BEGIN!

The BEST Server EVER! *sarcasm*

I decided today after having to actually CLIMB onto a plastic rack at WalMart to get the kind of cat litter that doesn't actually choke me when cleaning the boxes, that I would treat myself to a nice dinner at Denny's.  Okay, so Denny's isn't exactly a *NICE* dinner, but it was one I didn't have to make or work for - so it was nice for me!

Yahoo Sketch created by my friend Vicki and
I about a different Denny's story.  :P

At the end of the meal, my server, Daniel asked me if I was the best server I'd ever had.  God I hate it when people do that to me because I get SO tongue tied with what's nice to say and what I really want to say!  What I really wanted to say was this:

The Best Server I've ever had?  No, Daniel, you don't even come close.  The Best Server Ever would have noticed I brought in a laptop with me (the Denny's here has WiFi) and actually sat me at a booth or table close to an outlet.  If you had done that, I probably would have ordered dessert and a soda after dinner instead of having to run home to plug my computer in to finish the assignment I am working on.  The Best Server Ever would have brought me a LARGE *clean* glass of water WITH a straw when that was the only drink I ordered - and not made me wait 20 minutes for said straw.  The Best Server Ever has straws in their pockets at all times anyway!  The Best Server Ever would have asked me upfront if I wanted lemons with my water - which really isn't something exotic or anything - but if I had to ask, The Best Server Ever would have brought me new lemons, not already squeezed ones..and on an actual dish.  And when I ordered my food, The Best Server Ever would have asked me how I wanted my burger cooked so I wouldn't have to send it back and not wait an additional 20 minutes for the burger to be done right.  The Best Server Ever would have realized that the customers can actually hear you say, "I know man, it looked fine to me too!" to the cook about the seriously uncooked burger I sent back.  The Best Server Ever would have curbed his use of the word "Ma'am" to half a million times instead of one million times when speaking to a woman who gets asked if she's a new student when she walks onto a High School Campus.  The Best Server Ever would have realized that maybe some people do not enjoy you sitting down at their table to take their orders unless they knew you or were regulars to the restaurant.

So no, sorry, Daniel, you are not The Best Server I've ever had.  I am friends with the best servers I have ever had - and you can actually learn a thing or two from them!

To sum things up in a way you can understand Daniel, The Best Server Ever! would have gotten a better tip.

Just Figuring Things Out

Sometimes you just need to type/write things out to figure it all out.  A little background - my husband is leaving the teaching profession and going back into Over-The-Road trucking staring this summer.  He is SO looking forward to this and I am happy for him.  I, however, don't know what to do with my life.  I do have a lot of different routes that are possible - all with various outcomes.  Here are the possible choices for next year:

• I stay at my current position as a teacher here in Whiteriver, but in 4th grade instead of 6th.  However, the school district does things their own way, I am not being paid what I'm worth nor do I like the population.  The administration is also constantly telling me two different solutions for one problem - they just don't agree.  The work required of me is above and WAY beyond what should be required of a teacher and there are only a few bright stars.  I have to be "mean" all the time and be constantly on the kids to get them to do the simplest tasks.  Also, parents are not involved in their childrens' lives so it is hard to get any kind of support.  Teachers are not respected and an education is not valued. 
• Look for a teaching job in the Pinetop/Show Low area - of which there is only one posted so far but I know of two possible others.  I know that the school districts in Pinetop and Show Low pay less that here in Whiteriver, but they are closer to were I actually live so I'd be saving in gas and being able to sleep in more.  :P
• I look for a job as a teacher in California and *hope* that I get one.  My mom has been telling me that the Baby Boomers are starting to retire this year and I might be able to find a job pretty close to home.  However, the cost of living is super high and we'd have to go without any extras until my husband is done training and being paid as a regular driver - or a trainer.
• I attended school (I have been accepted to a Master's Program) full time and substitute part time here, but not in Whiteriver - I would sub in the Show Low and Pinetop area.  The Master's program I have been accepted to is for a Masters in Library Science.  Working as a children's librarian would really be the ideal job for me.  Or maybe something along the lines of curriculum director or something.  I often thought about being a classroom management or a reading specialist too.  I'm not sure.
• Join my husband as an over-the-road husband and wife trucking team.  For this to work, we'd have to be owner-operators, or leasing the truck so we can take the cats with us.  We would have to sell our cars, put everything in storage and not have a home base for a while.  We *would* be able to bank everything after expenses.  Doing this, I can see us paying off all our debts within a year/year and a half and maybe being able to buy a house after a couple of years.  As team drivers, we would get first choice of routes, we'd get the longer routes and we'd be able to choose whether or not we even want to drive.  So, we could, in a sense, drive somewhere, take a week off then drive somewhere else.  We would get paid to travel!  We both have friends and family all over the country and could finally see them more than once in a blue moon.  With WiFi all over the place and the hotspots that are out through the wireless companies, I could also go to school since my program is all online.  It would be a MAJOR adjustment but would also take away all the little things like dishes, house work, rent and utility bills.  I know we would still have the truck expenses, credit card bills and all the other bills that follow us.  But it might be worth it to come out of trucking debt free and with enough savings to put a down payment on a house.  Also, buy that time, the economy might have turned around and there might be teaching jobs in California for me.

I know this post seems like I'm leaning more toward trucking with my husband, but I just really don't know.  When I try to talk to him about this, I don't get a straight answer and it seems like he doesn't want me to truck with him but can't/won't tell me why he feels this way.  But maybe I'm just reading too much into all this and should just pick the one I feel more excited about - but even that is a hard choice to make since all of a sudden I feel like I should also consider the responsible routes too - none of which excite me that much.

I keep hearing in the back of my head that NOW IS THE TIME to do something if I'm not ready to settle yet.  I don't have any kids, my husband's kids are pre-teens and in the time of their lives where they pull away from their parents and try to start their own lives, we don't own a house or have any sick relatives to take care of *KNOCK ON WOOD* so now really is the time!